Ezra Amos (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
coolmonsoon) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
zenderael_rl2012-07-05 02:00 am
coolmonsoon) wrote in zenderael_rl2012-07-05 02:00 am
Entry tags:
Ezra + Nadir // Panic
Who: Nadir and Ezra.
Where: Ezra's apartment.
When: Monday night
Before/After: Directly feeds into Eileen's post.
Warnings: A lot of fucking swearing. Fuck.
It was in a lull of peacefulness between player and alt that the Huchins video made itself known. The days were getting progressively more stressful, and if it weren't for things like rent and food and other important things he would have stopped working altogether. Being on a bike didn't seem like a particularly smart thing to do with the possibility of harpies and drakes everywhere, but Ezra held on to what semblance of normalcy he could. Nadir had been especially exacting in their session tonight, with Ezra already tired and sore everywhere. Lifting even a practice sword seemed like too much of a deal, but it was that or suffer Nadir's displeasure. He knew he was doing this so that, somehow, he could be useful, somehow he could prove that he was doing all he could. Was it too much? Getting rear-ended the other day by that snotty teenager hadn't helped his nerves at all. Sometimes he could stare at nothing for minutes at a time before he could feel his brain resetting. He felt like sleeping at the worst possible moments, but when it came to actually sleeping, his eyes wouldn't shut. He knew he took things too seriously sometimes but he couldn't stop it this time. He wasn't sure how, but he was somehow managing to keep a spellsword under his roof without assassins coming to murder them in their sleep.
He wasn't sure how he felt about that. He wasn't sure about much of anything anymore, and if the ground swallowed him whole he wasn't sure he'd be able to deal with that either even when he was dead. He'd be dead thinking to himself, "well shit".
Somehow he still had beer in the apartment, and lifting the bottle to his lips, he clicked on the link Eileen had given him, hunkering down to watch the video on his couch, the only piece of real furniture he had in the whole apartment. Nadir, curious, leaned over the top of the couch to watch over Ezra's shoulder. "What's this?" The spellsword asked. Ezra shushed him.
The video started. Ezra fullscreened it, scowling. It really was shitty quality, Eileen hadn't been joking about that. Something about it gave him the creeps.
When Ted Hutchins sat down, he nearly jumped. Was that really Ted Hutchins? The man looked like a wreck. Ezra's always blown him off as being a bit of a pompous ass, but he forgot all that, seeing the strained look on the man's face as he stared into his webcam. "Hutchins," he said quietly over his shoulder as the man started talking, not once taking his eyes from the screen. "The politician whose wife was killed."
Nadir went "ah", having heard the story already from several different sources, Ezra included.
They're trying to keep me quiet, but I can't stay quiet anymore. People's lives are at stake. There are monsters in our backyards.
Ezra felt goosebumps go up his arms and he found himself scratching at his forearm restlessly. The man's words, rising in intensity, spoke to the fear and apprehension that was starting to gather in his chest.
You've seen it, haven't you, Fall City?
Ezra's eyes flickered to the background, where he could see the door moving. Years of bad eyesight and questionable peripheral vision left him especially jumpy about things (mostly spiders) moving at the edge of his vision, and for a moment he forgot to pay attention to Hutchins' speech. Hesitating, he looked back to Hutchins, the words drawing him in again, but as the door continued to creep open, Ezra found himself having trouble breathing. He reached out and adjusted the screen, trying to change the resolution by shifting the angle. "Stop that," Nadir said irritably, but didn't press as Ezra continued to try and make the dark parts lighter.
His hands were shaking, like he knew what was coming. Which was ridiculous, he said to himself. How could he know what was going to happen?
The Ahura cosplayer who was found dead in the riots? That was the Ahura!
It moved again. After having seen them for so long out of the corner of his vision, he couldn't think he was wrong the moment he saw it, and he jumped, making a noise like a whimper. Nadir started behind him, though whether from the video or from Ezra's jump, Ezra didn't think to question. "Did you-"
"I did," came the answer. Unable to look away, Ezra watched as the scene continued, no longer hearing the words but seeing Hutchins' face as it distorted in outright terror. He had no trouble breathing now- he wasn't breathing at all as the sounds of struggle made their way through the speakers. At the sick thump in the background Ezra flinched again, gaining a small, sharp burst of air in an equally sharp gasp.
The image changed violently as the desk was overturned, the camera resting on the ground to capture all the grotesqueness of Hutchins' corpse. The black boots and grey cloak swept past and for a long moment Ezra could only watch, mouth open. "No," he muttered finally, switching quickly back to the forums, answering back to Eileen.
is that a greycloak?
She was taking too long to answer. He quickly tried to go back to the video, having trouble navigating the laptop and touchscreen with his hands shaking so badly. He dragged the video back to where the door began to open.
I'm not sure. Like I said, the quality isn't that great...
No. No. No no no. Oh God, oh God, oh God.
oh god
oh my fucking god it is
it
That was all he got out, sending it in a rush of panic as the video continued. He didn't have to see any more of it. He knew what that was. "Oh God. Oh fuck. Oh fuck," he said, voice breaking.
"Amos."
Ezra stood up suddenly, pacing away from the computer, shaking his hands out and then tightly wrapping his arms about himself. "Oh shit. Did you see that? Do you know what that is?"
"Amos."
Ezra turned on Nadir suddenly, expression wild, his hand reaching up to dig into his scalp, to pull back and bunch his fingers at the base of his neck. "What!? What are you going to tell me?? That I didn't see that?! That I didn't see a fucking greycloak just fucking murder somebody!? No!" he yelled suddenly at Nadir as the man looked about to respond, honestly startled at the force with which he had been denied, "no, don't you dare tell me to fuckin' calm down, are you goddamn serious!? You of all fuckin' people!? Shit, I should have known, I should have fuckin' known it, and what if they're fuckin' lookin' for you? For us?? Jesus, Jesus Christ, Jesus FUCKING CHRIST!" He was almost screaming now, and Nadir approached him quickly, taking him by the shoulders roughly.
"Amos, shut up. Shut up. Stop talking and breathe."
"I can't. Oh God I can't, I can't- I can't breathe, I can't- oh God, I can't do anything. I couldn't do anything for you, how the fuck- how the fuck am I- and what if it ain't just me, what if- it's Rhys, too, it could be my parents, it could be- oh God and I can't do anything, not a goddamn thing," he rambled, his words interrupted by dry sobs, forcing him to breathe in order to get the words out. But once they were out, the breathing seemed to stop again and he gasped like a fish out of water. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to breathe, trying to stop like Nadir was telling him to but he couldn't. It was too much, it was too fucking much. "I'm dead. We're dead. If they're here, that's it, we can't, we can't do anythin', we can't just warp someplace else, and I don't know why, I don't know why this is happening, I never thought, I'm so sorry, I'm so so sorry, I never fucking thought this would happen, I couldn't know, I didn't mean it, I didn't, I swear to God, Nadir I'm sorry-"
"Ezra, stop. Stop," Nadir was saying, and Ezra finally did, bursting into tears, no better than a frightened child. Nadir stared at him, then put his hand to the back of his head, forcing Ezra's forehead to rest on his shoulder. Ezra sobbed and stayed there, shaking so hard he could feel his joints start to ache, crying so badly he thought he would throw up. And Nadir held him there without comment, without judgement, waiting with concerned patience until Ezra stopped and pushed himself away.
It took a few minutes. When he did pull away, he couldn't lift his head up, taking his glasses off and sniffling, wiping at his face. Nadir walked away, came back with a roll of toilet paper, and with a sound that could have meant 'thank you', Ezra ripped a couple of pieces off and wiped his nose, hands still shaking but out of exhaustion now, the fear bled out of him for now. Nadir shook him gently by the shoulder and Ezra, glasses held by the arm, blowing his nose and looking somewhat lost as to where to put the dirty tissue, nodded slightly.
"Call in sick tomorrow. Get some sleep. You're overtired."
"I can't-"
"Don't argue with me," Nadir said, tone strict as ever, and Ezra said nothing, keeping the dirty tissue in his hand as he rolled off some more toilet paper to wipe his eyes with, a sniff taking place of an actual answer. "You shouldn't be going out so much anyway. It's getting bad in the daytime now, too. I think most people have more pressing concerns than rent money."
Ezra let out a choked laugh, which he cut off quickly, taking a moment to take in the whole of the sentence before he nodded. "Yeah," he said, his voice raw and cracking. "Yeah, I'll call in."
"Go clean yourself up," Nadir said. Wordless, Ezra nodded again and stumbled off to the bathroom half-blind. Nadir watched him, letting his own breath out. He went to the laptop when the bathroom door closed and looked at the video as it continued to play, the puddle of blood wider than it had been.
He hadn't expected it either, no. He didn't feel as confident as he would have liked, either. There were still cuts and deep tissue bruising that he could feel as he went through his daily rotes. He was in no hurry to see another greycloak, even if it was only one. He couldn't say he wasn't afraid- he was. But before, it had felt like he'd been alone in it. Now, he knew better. It was more than just him.
He leaned over and shut the window with the video. He'd heard the whole thing- he didn't have to see it again, second guessing himself.
Ezra returned out of the bathroom, eyes red and watery, nose not far behind. He gave the laptop a glance and shied away from it, moving in the direction of the kitchen instead. Instead of his usual amusement tinged with irritation, Nadir felt an overwhelming surge of sympathy. With everything else going on, he didn't need to push the boy too much anymore. He'd said it, thought he'd accepted it, but it wasn't until that moment he found he'd forgiven Ezra for all that had happened.
It was like Rhys had told him. There were more important things to think about than old grudges.
"Y'hungry?" Ezra said in a feeble voice from the stove. "Wanna grilled cheese sandwich?"
Nadir looked at him and back to the laptop screen, where the black background of the forums stared back. "Yeah," he said. "Don't think I'll be eating much meat for awhile."
Where: Ezra's apartment.
When: Monday night
Before/After: Directly feeds into Eileen's post.
Warnings: A lot of fucking swearing. Fuck.
It was in a lull of peacefulness between player and alt that the Huchins video made itself known. The days were getting progressively more stressful, and if it weren't for things like rent and food and other important things he would have stopped working altogether. Being on a bike didn't seem like a particularly smart thing to do with the possibility of harpies and drakes everywhere, but Ezra held on to what semblance of normalcy he could. Nadir had been especially exacting in their session tonight, with Ezra already tired and sore everywhere. Lifting even a practice sword seemed like too much of a deal, but it was that or suffer Nadir's displeasure. He knew he was doing this so that, somehow, he could be useful, somehow he could prove that he was doing all he could. Was it too much? Getting rear-ended the other day by that snotty teenager hadn't helped his nerves at all. Sometimes he could stare at nothing for minutes at a time before he could feel his brain resetting. He felt like sleeping at the worst possible moments, but when it came to actually sleeping, his eyes wouldn't shut. He knew he took things too seriously sometimes but he couldn't stop it this time. He wasn't sure how, but he was somehow managing to keep a spellsword under his roof without assassins coming to murder them in their sleep.
He wasn't sure how he felt about that. He wasn't sure about much of anything anymore, and if the ground swallowed him whole he wasn't sure he'd be able to deal with that either even when he was dead. He'd be dead thinking to himself, "well shit".
Somehow he still had beer in the apartment, and lifting the bottle to his lips, he clicked on the link Eileen had given him, hunkering down to watch the video on his couch, the only piece of real furniture he had in the whole apartment. Nadir, curious, leaned over the top of the couch to watch over Ezra's shoulder. "What's this?" The spellsword asked. Ezra shushed him.
The video started. Ezra fullscreened it, scowling. It really was shitty quality, Eileen hadn't been joking about that. Something about it gave him the creeps.
When Ted Hutchins sat down, he nearly jumped. Was that really Ted Hutchins? The man looked like a wreck. Ezra's always blown him off as being a bit of a pompous ass, but he forgot all that, seeing the strained look on the man's face as he stared into his webcam. "Hutchins," he said quietly over his shoulder as the man started talking, not once taking his eyes from the screen. "The politician whose wife was killed."
Nadir went "ah", having heard the story already from several different sources, Ezra included.
They're trying to keep me quiet, but I can't stay quiet anymore. People's lives are at stake. There are monsters in our backyards.
Ezra felt goosebumps go up his arms and he found himself scratching at his forearm restlessly. The man's words, rising in intensity, spoke to the fear and apprehension that was starting to gather in his chest.
You've seen it, haven't you, Fall City?
Ezra's eyes flickered to the background, where he could see the door moving. Years of bad eyesight and questionable peripheral vision left him especially jumpy about things (mostly spiders) moving at the edge of his vision, and for a moment he forgot to pay attention to Hutchins' speech. Hesitating, he looked back to Hutchins, the words drawing him in again, but as the door continued to creep open, Ezra found himself having trouble breathing. He reached out and adjusted the screen, trying to change the resolution by shifting the angle. "Stop that," Nadir said irritably, but didn't press as Ezra continued to try and make the dark parts lighter.
His hands were shaking, like he knew what was coming. Which was ridiculous, he said to himself. How could he know what was going to happen?
The Ahura cosplayer who was found dead in the riots? That was the Ahura!
It moved again. After having seen them for so long out of the corner of his vision, he couldn't think he was wrong the moment he saw it, and he jumped, making a noise like a whimper. Nadir started behind him, though whether from the video or from Ezra's jump, Ezra didn't think to question. "Did you-"
"I did," came the answer. Unable to look away, Ezra watched as the scene continued, no longer hearing the words but seeing Hutchins' face as it distorted in outright terror. He had no trouble breathing now- he wasn't breathing at all as the sounds of struggle made their way through the speakers. At the sick thump in the background Ezra flinched again, gaining a small, sharp burst of air in an equally sharp gasp.
The image changed violently as the desk was overturned, the camera resting on the ground to capture all the grotesqueness of Hutchins' corpse. The black boots and grey cloak swept past and for a long moment Ezra could only watch, mouth open. "No," he muttered finally, switching quickly back to the forums, answering back to Eileen.
is that a greycloak?
She was taking too long to answer. He quickly tried to go back to the video, having trouble navigating the laptop and touchscreen with his hands shaking so badly. He dragged the video back to where the door began to open.
I'm not sure. Like I said, the quality isn't that great...
No. No. No no no. Oh God, oh God, oh God.
oh god
oh my fucking god it is
it
That was all he got out, sending it in a rush of panic as the video continued. He didn't have to see any more of it. He knew what that was. "Oh God. Oh fuck. Oh fuck," he said, voice breaking.
"Amos."
Ezra stood up suddenly, pacing away from the computer, shaking his hands out and then tightly wrapping his arms about himself. "Oh shit. Did you see that? Do you know what that is?"
"Amos."
Ezra turned on Nadir suddenly, expression wild, his hand reaching up to dig into his scalp, to pull back and bunch his fingers at the base of his neck. "What!? What are you going to tell me?? That I didn't see that?! That I didn't see a fucking greycloak just fucking murder somebody!? No!" he yelled suddenly at Nadir as the man looked about to respond, honestly startled at the force with which he had been denied, "no, don't you dare tell me to fuckin' calm down, are you goddamn serious!? You of all fuckin' people!? Shit, I should have known, I should have fuckin' known it, and what if they're fuckin' lookin' for you? For us?? Jesus, Jesus Christ, Jesus FUCKING CHRIST!" He was almost screaming now, and Nadir approached him quickly, taking him by the shoulders roughly.
"Amos, shut up. Shut up. Stop talking and breathe."
"I can't. Oh God I can't, I can't- I can't breathe, I can't- oh God, I can't do anything. I couldn't do anything for you, how the fuck- how the fuck am I- and what if it ain't just me, what if- it's Rhys, too, it could be my parents, it could be- oh God and I can't do anything, not a goddamn thing," he rambled, his words interrupted by dry sobs, forcing him to breathe in order to get the words out. But once they were out, the breathing seemed to stop again and he gasped like a fish out of water. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to breathe, trying to stop like Nadir was telling him to but he couldn't. It was too much, it was too fucking much. "I'm dead. We're dead. If they're here, that's it, we can't, we can't do anythin', we can't just warp someplace else, and I don't know why, I don't know why this is happening, I never thought, I'm so sorry, I'm so so sorry, I never fucking thought this would happen, I couldn't know, I didn't mean it, I didn't, I swear to God, Nadir I'm sorry-"
"Ezra, stop. Stop," Nadir was saying, and Ezra finally did, bursting into tears, no better than a frightened child. Nadir stared at him, then put his hand to the back of his head, forcing Ezra's forehead to rest on his shoulder. Ezra sobbed and stayed there, shaking so hard he could feel his joints start to ache, crying so badly he thought he would throw up. And Nadir held him there without comment, without judgement, waiting with concerned patience until Ezra stopped and pushed himself away.
It took a few minutes. When he did pull away, he couldn't lift his head up, taking his glasses off and sniffling, wiping at his face. Nadir walked away, came back with a roll of toilet paper, and with a sound that could have meant 'thank you', Ezra ripped a couple of pieces off and wiped his nose, hands still shaking but out of exhaustion now, the fear bled out of him for now. Nadir shook him gently by the shoulder and Ezra, glasses held by the arm, blowing his nose and looking somewhat lost as to where to put the dirty tissue, nodded slightly.
"Call in sick tomorrow. Get some sleep. You're overtired."
"I can't-"
"Don't argue with me," Nadir said, tone strict as ever, and Ezra said nothing, keeping the dirty tissue in his hand as he rolled off some more toilet paper to wipe his eyes with, a sniff taking place of an actual answer. "You shouldn't be going out so much anyway. It's getting bad in the daytime now, too. I think most people have more pressing concerns than rent money."
Ezra let out a choked laugh, which he cut off quickly, taking a moment to take in the whole of the sentence before he nodded. "Yeah," he said, his voice raw and cracking. "Yeah, I'll call in."
"Go clean yourself up," Nadir said. Wordless, Ezra nodded again and stumbled off to the bathroom half-blind. Nadir watched him, letting his own breath out. He went to the laptop when the bathroom door closed and looked at the video as it continued to play, the puddle of blood wider than it had been.
He hadn't expected it either, no. He didn't feel as confident as he would have liked, either. There were still cuts and deep tissue bruising that he could feel as he went through his daily rotes. He was in no hurry to see another greycloak, even if it was only one. He couldn't say he wasn't afraid- he was. But before, it had felt like he'd been alone in it. Now, he knew better. It was more than just him.
He leaned over and shut the window with the video. He'd heard the whole thing- he didn't have to see it again, second guessing himself.
Ezra returned out of the bathroom, eyes red and watery, nose not far behind. He gave the laptop a glance and shied away from it, moving in the direction of the kitchen instead. Instead of his usual amusement tinged with irritation, Nadir felt an overwhelming surge of sympathy. With everything else going on, he didn't need to push the boy too much anymore. He'd said it, thought he'd accepted it, but it wasn't until that moment he found he'd forgiven Ezra for all that had happened.
It was like Rhys had told him. There were more important things to think about than old grudges.
"Y'hungry?" Ezra said in a feeble voice from the stove. "Wanna grilled cheese sandwich?"
Nadir looked at him and back to the laptop screen, where the black background of the forums stared back. "Yeah," he said. "Don't think I'll be eating much meat for awhile."
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